After the vow

I have not been married for very long but I have been married long enough to know happiness in anything including marriage is a choice. The time of courtship in most marriages is so exciting and full of promises and everyone is out to impress.Marraige on the other hand is an eye opener. It opens your eyes to little faults that were well managed (not hidden) during courtship. With marriage come options whether to keep having fun and excitement in the relationship or to banish yourselves to pain.

Right after my wedding I began to see some signs that made me feel that my husband had changed. He preferred watching football to spending all his time gazing into my eyes ,he did very little around the house and sometimes he wanted to do his own thing not what I wanted. So I set out to change him back to how I thought he should be and thus the option of commitment versus contentment came up.

Love is based on what you can give not what you can get. Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life: we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren (1 john3:16kjv). Love gives first. Where there is no giving love doesn't last. Love doesn't try to judge or criticize or change. Love looks inward and so I had to take the burden to look within myself to see how I could reconcile myself to the situation. Over the years I have matured to understanding that we are two different people from different background living together trying to be happy and I am not to force my way of thinking or doing things on him because we are different so we can complement each other. If he wants to watch football, instead of getting angry I could have my own quiet peaceful time to do exactly as I please and not waste it resenting him because no matter how resentful I get, it doesn't stop him from enjoying his football match. I just get more aggravated when I hear him scream from excitement.

I would clean the house all day, do the shopping groom the kids, put them to bed, make the meal and totally hate my husband at the end of each day for not helping me. So each day slipped by filled with hate, resentment and unforgiveness.We were very unhappy and we were drifting apart. Then the option of responsibilities versus rights came up. (Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands (prov14:1k). I could either choose to build my home or tear it apart by claiming rights and destroying it over quarrels and fights. So I chose to be responsible and saw that when I submitted to my husband and lovingly asked him for help around the house instead of nagging and quarrelling over my rights as his wife and expecting him to read my mind to know when I need help, he was humbled by my submission and could hardly refuse my request so we did the chores together and had fun all the way.

We used to joke a lot when we just got married that divorce was not an option unknown to me subconsciously it sank into my heart so no matter how bad it gets, even when I think of ways to get back at my husband after each fight, divorce does not ever cross my mind .That is the power of positive suggestions at work .Our words and confessions are very important.

I have chosen to see my marriage as a covenant not a contract. I had stood before God and our family and friends and promised to see this through not to run at the slightest sign of trouble. We still have troubles but because we see it as a covenant and are willing to work towards its success, somehow we pull through and are stronger when the next storm arrives.

New options come up each passing day and I try to make the right choice. I am learning not to burden my spouse with the responsibility of making me happy ever after.Will he hurt me again? Maybe. Will I hurt him? Maybe but I have chosen to expect fulfillment from God alone while working on enjoying instead of enduring my marriage.

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